TO HEAR AN AUDIO VERSION OF THIS POEM CLICK HERE...
I fell upon the Huff Huff house in a state of disarray,
My bendy beams all slavish making clump clump all the way.
The Laser Yaks with eyes & ears were not so far behind,
The snarling Gifflecut, and Dad were spitting spit & rinds.
I hollered out “Ooh Let us in” I screamed “For Fuck Us Sake”,
I knew my Mardi gras was near, I could see my own fair wake.
The beasts and men and jive fauna surrounded my chalk spot,
I felt alone in that circle, my Caucasian limestone plot.
The porch light burst bright into flame, I thought at last I’m saved,
I darted through the wire mesh, my thanks I raved and raved.
Then Jesus turned and sat me down, he smiled his winning smile,
He told me I was on my own but could rest in here a while.
I thought now hold on Sonny Jim, a lark you must be havin?
I said my prayers, I loved your Dad and I lived without much sin.
Yet now you leave me to this fate with all the MustNotMentions;
To face Supperutts, Laser Yaks & Dad with no God intervention!
So now my bendy beams did shake & my leg elbows did knock
I threw my Bible on the fire, good riddance to that croc!
I puffed my heart's prison fully out and settled my grey matter,
I opened up the door ajar & heard the Poinglings natter.
The Laser Yaks stood furthest back, each one 12 foot high,
Their sonic lowing rumbled deep, the neon in their eyes.
The Supperutts skittered around the porch making whistling sounds,
Their scalpel toes scuffed the wood, their thoughts burnt through the ground.
The gnashing Gittleguts whooshed a lot, my hair did stand on end,
One got caught in my minds eye an attack I can't defend.
But what should end this frightful night, which beast was most depraved,
The Mensaclumps & Grownup Shoes were at least all well behaved.
No, the one who stirred this nightmarish clan and snuffed out all my light,
Was none other than the seed giver, the one who I can't fight.
So just like Jesus I'm all things to all men, a counterpoint to the bad,
I can fend off all the nightmares but get killed by my own Dad.
(Just an aside, i was never abused by my father or suffered any mistreatment at his hands. This is a work of fiction apart from the bit about the Laser Yaks which is so real it's scary. Ok, see you when you get out the joint Dad!)